Perfect Idiots
by BomberDude
Summary: R for lanuage, this is so funny. I made it of course for all you PD fans. It's long I KNOW BUT iT'S WORTH READING!!!! Review please


Disclaimer- I don't own PD. There, good enuf 4 ya?  
  
Note: I know this has nothing to do with PD except the characters. It is long, but every part is funny! You'll thank me!  
  
  
Perfect Idiots(by me)  
  
Scene 1: The Store place.  
Trent is working part time at a store called Chesty Cheapmores- Lingerie for the excessively Poor. A sign is on the cashier machine- We buy and sell your stank ass underpants. The store is full with many different colors of bras. Trent is so bored, and he falls asleep on the job.  
  
Elvis walks up: Excuse me.  
  
Trent: (snorts 2 times in his sleep)  
  
Elvis: EXCUSE ME!  
  
Trent wakes up.  
  
Trent: Huh, what?  
  
Elvis: Hi, uh, do you have any of these in hot pink? (holds up a red bra)  
  
Trent: No  
  
Elvis: tch. Okay how about yellow with orange polka dots? Do you have that?  
  
Trent: No.  
  
Elvis: AAAHH! Okay how about Silver? Do you have silver?  
  
Trent: I don't know! Go check the isle or something.  
  
Elvis: TCH Hah! Whatever. TCH- HAH! ( he walks away)  
  
Trent: (Imitating elvis)Tch-eh! Tch-eh tch-eh!  
( a door opens and closes and Daniel Carrington walks in)  
  
Dan: Hey Trent! How's the bras been selling today?  
  
Trent: (bored) Fine…  
  
Dan: Fine what?  
  
Trent: (Sighs) Fine… colonel…  
  
Dan: Hah! Ya damn right colonel boy. I'm the cock of the rooster out here. Aren't I?  
  
Trent: Yes colonel you're a very big cack.  
  
Dan: Yup. Ya got that right boy.  
Elvis comes back.  
Elvis: Hi uh..  
  
Dan: Whadda ya want?  
  
Elvis: Excuse me are you the manager?  
  
Dan: I'm the colonel. Wazzap?  
  
Elvis: Do you have this bra in hot pink or not?  
  
Dan: So, buying a little something for the woman to wear tonight huh? Heh heh heh.  
  
Elvis: (laughs nervously) yeah….  
  
Dan: Boy I remember when my wife used to do that for me. Woo hoo, she'd put on a show in the bedroom.  
  
Elvis: Oh, I'm sure she did, uh-  
  
Dan: Boy she used to go nuts in there, whoo hoo she'd be bouncing off the walls there.  
  
Elvis: yeah uh-  
  
Dan: Boy howdy I remember when her head went clear through the ceiling. She was hanging by her head for what seemed like a week. Poor thing's neck broke tho, couldn't support the size of her FAT ASS.  
  
Elvis: Uh you know what I'm just gunna -  
  
Dan: Boy we had a time an a half trying to find a casket that could fit my wife. We finally had to get one of those big ol' crates those matches come in.  
  
Elvis is gone.  
  
Dan: Boy, the guy said it was hard but I slipped him a few green bags and he got the job done.  
Scene 2 In the streets  
  
Mr. Blonde and the President are watching tv in the street.  
  
On tv: Joanna: Jonathan, it's your baby.  
  
Jonathan: That's not my bloody baby.  
  
Joanna: Yes it is Jonathan, he has your hair.  
  
Jonathan: (gasps) Blimey! The little peckle's got my hair!  
Anouncer: We'll be right back to 'Day's of our Blimies.'. Right after this commercial Break.  
  
Different Anouncer on tv in a commercial.  
  
Anouncer: SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!! The international monster truck ralley comes to town. See the successer to the truck BIGFOOT, LARGEASS climb on top of school busses filled with loud, obnoxius ghetto high school girls.  
SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! See the 50 foot truckasaurus burn exactly ½ of the studio audience…to death! Which half will be killed? You'll have to buy a ticket to find out. But this is just icing on the cake for our main event… GUERILLA-RAMA! Where we send out 15 vietcom soldiers across the 100 yard stretch indoor jungle. As they try to hopelessly navigate themselves through…minefields, stripwires, snakepits and other terrible boobytraps designed by their very own tiny hands.  
CHARLIE CHARLIE CHARLIE!  
Will eddie make it across? Or will he simply shoot any survivors as they cross the finish line? You'll have to come to the international monster truck ralley to find out! And that is when?  
SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! Remember there are no ticket refunds for the family members of those in the studio audience who get crushed, eaten, or accidently napalmed, as we rain down on the deeks.  
And if you don't like our policies, then you can suck my balls!  
SUCK THEM SUCK THEM SUCK THEM! THE INTERNATIONAL MONSTER TRUCK RALLY! BE THERE OR BE DEAD!  
  
Blonde: Wow prez that looks awesome. I wish we had 50 bucks.   
  
Prez: Yeah.  
( The song thingy Halleluyah Halleluyah and a bright light shines from the street, and 50 bucks is there.)  
  
Blonde: Look Mr. President, 50 dollars, I'm gunna go get it!  
(he goes into the street and crashes and car sounds can be heard)  
(Blonde is unhurt and has the 50 bucks.  
  
Blonde: Look prez, I got the 50 dollars, Praise Jesus! (Then he gets hit by a truck)  
  
Scene 3: Back in the store  
  
Trent is still playing with the cashing machine.  
Blonde comes in.  
Blonde: Hey Trent, how's it going?  
  
Trent: Shit Mr. Blonde you look like you got creamed by a fuckin truck.  
  
Blonde: Yeah a couple but guess what? I got fifty dollars. (shows 25 dollars to him)  
  
Trent: No that's $25.  
  
Blonde: Yeah I gave The President the other half.  
  
Trent: So where the fuck is the President?  
  
Blonde: Who cares? I'm going to the international monster truck rally.  
  
Trent: What the fuck would The President be doing with $25 dollars?  
  
Scene 4: The Luv Match.  
  
There is a store called The luv match- Video making Agency. Find that special someone.  
Anyway, Prez is there watching Velvet right some stuff down for 5 minutes.  
  
Prez: Yo  
  
Velvet: AHHH!! Oh hi there, what can I help you with?  
  
Prez: I'll take a woman please.  
  
Velvet: Hah. That's a good way of puttin it. You must be the guy with the reservation. The President,… right?  
  
President: Uh-huh.  
  
Velvet: Come back here, we'll make your video personally.  
  
Prez: Okay….  
  
At the camera thingy place…  
  
Velvet: Okay now start off by telling me your name.  
  
Prez: My real name is….( A large truck passes by honking loudly, drowning out The President's voice)  
  
Velvet: Okay, how old are you?  
  
Prez: (Just sits there,….drooling)  
  
Velvet: Uh nevermind, uh… where are you from originally?  
  
Prez: You mean like… which testicle?  
  
Velvet:………..(zippers can be heard, and Velvet puts on a radioactive suit for protection.. haha)  
  
Velvet: So What are some of your hobbies?  
  
Prez: I enjoy drinking Vodka from the gutter,…enducing vomiting,… and dancing for nickels.  
  
Velvet: Okay Prez, I think we got just about enough information.  
  
Prez: My favorite Food is Mustard and my favorite word is………..tapioca…  
  
Velvet: That 's great Prez. But I think we're through.  
  
Prez: Once I thought I had hemeroids but it turned out I had sat on a gerbil.  
  
Velvet: PREZ!  
  
Prez: I forget if that gerbil was ever removed….  
  
Velvet: PREZ!  
  
Prez: My sax says Idaho.  
  
Velvet: PREZ!!  
  
Prez: Huh?  
  
Velvet: that's enough, I'll just record this onto our personal database. I'll be right back….  
(she walks away)  
  
Prez:………..tapioca…….  
Scene 5: back at the store  
  
Trent: Hey check it out, it 's the President…  
  
Blonde: Hey Prez what's that?  
  
Prez: It's my dating vide…. I look sexy……  
( A door opens and closes)  
  
Daniel: Hey Trent did ya call me?  
  
Trent: No…  
  
Dan: Well okay then if ya need me I'll be in the bathroom, wacking the weine!  
  
Trent: Alright….  
(Daniel goes back to the bathroom)  
  
Mr. Blonde: Wow Trent that guy is cool!  
  
Trent:………………………I'm gunnna fuckin kill myself…….  
  
  
THE END  
  
Did ya like it? Very funny. Review!  
  
-Bomberdude  
  
  



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